Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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