Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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