does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
