OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
