we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
