after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
