I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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