Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
