My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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