On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
