did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
