you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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