i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
