Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
