Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
