part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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