She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
