i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
my liver is dry heaving
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
