the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize