So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
