Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
