This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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