Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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