Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I intend to get homeless drunk
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
