Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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