btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
