He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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