Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
