Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
