Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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