I want to walk on stilts...naked
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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