The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
