In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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