Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
