i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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