just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
