no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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