I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
