I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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