i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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