new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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