Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
