No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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