how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
