She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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