I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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