goodnight i made you a song goodbye
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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