she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
