Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
