Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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