btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
