I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
