Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
