well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
