I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
