I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
