FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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