um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
