I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
