There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
