Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
