I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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