I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
