My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
