I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
