my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
