the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
