he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
