I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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