some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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