Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
are you so shy because you have an std?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
