Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
