I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
