This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
