Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
