final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
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How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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