I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
