Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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