Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.

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(206): View more from Washington

I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan

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(417): View more from Missouri

Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.

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(620): View more from Kansas

nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr

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(432): View more from Texas

dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill

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(317): View more from Indiana

I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".

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