I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
